Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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