I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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