I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
