Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
