Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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