Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She's the barista slut.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
