Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
