oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Randomize
