It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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