If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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