i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she smelled like a LAN party
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
