it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found your dick twin last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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