Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
