theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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