Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
