my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
