Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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