can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
