So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
