Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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