One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
