I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
