new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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