So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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