buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
