hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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