i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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