I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You took a bar mat shot.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
