I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
