it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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