I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
