playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
