The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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