Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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