Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
