am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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