last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
