goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wear drunk well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
