i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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