Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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