somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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