I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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