I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
