I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
