I just cut my nipple shaving
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
