I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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