I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
