yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
