I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
