I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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