By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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