Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
