My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
