Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
